Grandfathered In

My mother has told me many things about her father, his good and his secrets. Anger equivalent to an entire army, war in his mind, unable to see red once begun. The many sins of a father she’d forgiven so I’ve learned to forgive mine. Simple psychology, daughter sees, daughter will do.. we both haven’t forgotten, we can’t because even when forgiven, the daughter always ends up paying for the sins of her father. And like all nuclear families are their atomic secrets.. we’re all alike in this way so I say let’s focus on our good. What did his good look like? My Grandfather helped the local children by organizing concerts where he filled the role of their band conductor, filming their performances. Pozorrubio’s humanitarian from what their society labeled him. He subsidized faltering local businesses, in return they provided for his family. Whatever his children needed from clothes, dental work, food to school supplies, you name it. A local powerhouse involved in the city council. A power of his that feels like a possession in me emerging when there’s injustice and slack in my own districts. My grandfather had support from all the right places, able to put a roof over his family with nannies at hand. Hard work was not lost on him, my mother still had to pick rice in the rice paddies and was expected to excel in her studies; first chair and top in her academic classes. I remember being in first chair when I had my run at the flute in 6th and 7th grade. Mannerisms of who we are trickles down for centuries.. trickling down the bloodline whether we know it, like it or not; Unknowingly inheriting his spiritual background, vivid dreams and knowledge of the occult. We must stay aware of the purpose in what we do once siphoning the breath of life through our first cries. If there’s Yin, we all have Yang, that’s why we glorify the good in others because at least they still try. Giving up is disgraceful and I won’t bother with others like this nor be someone like this. I am refusing to pay for the sins of the men in my family any longer. In me I feel there’s something I need to do, to be prevalent in the good that comes to the lives of others.. a sense of duty broiling my insides that feels like I inherited his good, his strengths and am going to break the karmas of my ancestral sins once and for all.


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