My mother has told me many things about her father, his good and his secrets. Anger equivalent to an entire army, war in his mind, unable to see red once begun. The many sins of a father she’d forgiven so I’ve learned to forgive mine. Simple psychology, daughter sees, daughter will do.. we both haven’t forgotten, we can’t because even when forgiven, the daughter always ends up paying for the sins of her father. And like all nuclear families are their atomic secrets.. we’re all alike in this way so I say let’s focus on our good. What did his good look like? My Grandfather helped the local children by organizing concerts where he filled the role of their band conductor, filming their performances. Pozorrubio’s humanitarian from what their society labeled him. He subsidized faltering local businesses, in return they provided for his family. Whatever his children needed from clothes, dental work, food to school supplies, you name it. A local powerhouse involved in the city council. A power of his that feels like a possession in me emerging when there’s injustice and slack in my own districts. My grandfather had support from all the right places, able to put a roof over his family with nannies at hand. Hard work was not lost on him, my mother still had to pick rice in the rice paddies and was expected to excel in her studies; first chair and top in her academic classes. I remember being in first chair when I had my run at the flute in 6th and 7th grade. Mannerisms of who we are trickles down for centuries.. trickling down the bloodline whether we know it, like it or not; Unknowingly inheriting his spiritual background, vivid dreams and knowledge of the occult. We must stay aware of the purpose in what we do once siphoning the breath of life through our first cries. If there’s Yin, we all have Yang, that’s why we glorify the good in others because at least they still try. Giving up is disgraceful and I won’t bother with others like this nor be someone like this. I am refusing to pay for the sins of the men in my family any longer. In me I feel there’s something I need to do, to be prevalent in the good that comes to the lives of others.. a sense of duty broiling my insides that feels like I inherited his good, his strengths and am going to break the karmas of my ancestral sins once and for all.
Tag: circle of life
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Upon the topic of wild rice soup brought us to a staple of one of my partner’s cherished memories. I had ordered myself a bowl at the Twin City Grill and loved it while Sam felt to mention his mother had a favorite spot they’d go to for that dish, it being twice better. I appreciate the way he allows me into his psyche and I thank him by imbuing our daughter, our boys and I into his prospective memories. A year after and I’ve penciled it into our itinerary for our MN trip. In this way I feel that I honor her by introducing their history into our daughter’s life so that she has an understanding of how important her grandma Ginny will always be to him, while cultivating our own unique and personal traditions that are meaningful to us. And most importantly to me, embracing exactly who she came from in order to form a strong sense of identity because her grandmother was a fine, virtuous woman. I learned second hand that those do not heal completely, never, even though I haven’t lived this kind of strife myself. It’s within these “full circle moments” that they learn to look forward to from which their loved ones live on. I watch his childhood videos and already my mind is making the connections of the type of woman she was. A strong woman, not said lightly, unafraid to defend her own and couldn’t care what others thought of how she lived her life; practical and down to earth. It mirrors in the way he brings me down to reality, keeps me on path. He’s my voice of reason. It shines in his intellectual sister, successful in what she sets out to do and willing to fight for her own. A commendable trait, safe in knowing she will bring justice if anything must come his way. And another woman my daughter can look up to. It all trickles down in the grand scheme of things, I can feel her memory now more than ever as I watch my daughter develop more into herself.