Far from a woman, I’m a wild beautiful creature on a good day then a melancholic bag of bones as the latter. I’m an enigma but I am only being me. Being so will only confuse others to the point where you are hated just as much as you are cherished, even by those from afar because what is freedom without judgement?

But it’d be self-centered of me to think I was the only woman. In this state of mind I think of my daughter and what all the other little girls await. Autonomous, powerful, outspoken women always land themselves in infamy by the opposite sex and envy by the same, even people you’ve never uttered a single word to. This can happen to anyone if you have something others want, something they can’t have.

Attempts to exert control only deplete yourself trying to right other’s wrongs. I tried my empathetic nature until killing them with kindness was only killing me, mentally. A friend advised me to just be boring, don’t attract any attention. My presence felt like a catalyst for envy and bitterness so I sat alone, went the long way, took the shortcuts just to avoid anyone’s gaze. It wasn’t until I read that isolation can feel like physical pain I asked who I was really doing this for.

Rumors can feel like defeat but instead of falling victim to baseless hearsay, it took what was left of my energy to toughen my mental state. Weeks later and I’m used to this, months later I found myself. I appreciate the experiences. Being talked about is inevitable especially in this type of setting I work in. It’ll be a different person in the gossip column tomorrow. If you know your truth and are appreciated by the right people, being hated by those who add no value to your life is nothing. Know who to trust and know that none of it matters in the end.